Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Someone shit on the floor
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Randomize
