just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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