chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
