I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize