apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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