I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
