this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just want nice things and good sex
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize