Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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