STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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