how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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