i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
