I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
