I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
