drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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