I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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