i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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