jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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