I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
