How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
