i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
