I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
