some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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