I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
