it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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