for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
