I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
