her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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