i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
