5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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