Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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