I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
