You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
