I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
