Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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