Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
