now i know why i became what i already was.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
