I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize