I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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