Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
