In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
