I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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