That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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