I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
When are your genitals available?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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