Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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