Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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