Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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