Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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