Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
