We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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