i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
