when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
