I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
