After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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