I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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