And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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