I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
