I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
