my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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