Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
