I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize