i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
