I think I died a long time ago.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
