you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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