Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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